February is known for the LOVE month. I don't know about you but it seems like everybody's "in love" every February. It's fun to watch people during this month because you can see couples become sweeter and you can't spot any tough guys. It's like this is the only month where you can see smiles all around the metro.
At church, we started the "40 Days of Love" campaign last Sunday. We were taught that our goal to be Christ-like must have the direction of pursuing love. It may sound easy but it's easier said than done. We were made to be in a relationship and be accountable to each other. For most people, it's somewhat easy but for me, as someone who's indifferent and independent, it's really really hard! Yes, I do have friends but there's always a lot of hesitations to go to the intimate level. I've always wanted to be on the safe side....or rather the numb side because I don't want to feel any emotions especially the negative ones. I can stand not talking to anyone if I wanted to and tune out everyone in my life starting with those who are very close to my heart.
Some say, I am the ideal "best friend" because I would really go out of my way to do things for my friends but to be honest, once I realize that the friendship becomes deeper, I slowly pull off. Not even communicating with them. I do this not because I hate my friends but deep inside, I'm scared of losing them that's why I would be the one to pull off before they do. You might think I'm weird and such a bad person. but this is simply who I am.
Last year, God allowed me to join Glorious Hope Recovery Program and have committed to stop the cycle of shutting down my relationships. Though I'm still a working progress, I praise God because I am slowly learning to be involved with people. I was able to have an accountability partner and have fruitful relationships. I admit that there are still times that I feel like pulling off but God keeps on reminding me about the commitment I made last year. Also, He keeps on reminding me about loving one another as His commandment. Loving is totally a conscious act and a leap of faith. I may not know how to do it but I believe God will help me go through this.
